Note to creepy foreigners…

Holy shit you are never going to believe what just happened to me.

There I was sitting at home, minding my own business, when suddenly there was a rapping at my door.  ‘Who could it be at this late hour’ I postulated to myself.  So I flipped on the outside light, unlocked the door and opened it to see an old man standing on my porch.

The man began explaining, in extremely broken English, with an accent that I can only describe as communist-ish, that he used to live in one of the adjacent buildings, but recently split with his wife who still lives there with his children.  He can’t stand to be away from his kids (a whole 9 miles), so he wants to know if he can, wait for it, rent my attic.

Dude…seriously?!?

I explained as politely as I could that I wasn’t looking for a roommate and would be unable to accommodate him.  He then asked if I knew anyone else in the area who had an extra room, to which I said no.  He wanted to leave his name and number “in case I changed my mind”, but I assured him that wouldn’t happen and promptly bid him good night and good luck.

Note to creepy foreigners:  In a post 9/11 era we Yankees get very suspicious when you knock on our doors asking to rent obscure portions of our homes, especially when there are entire web-pages devoted to people looking for roommates.  Randomly knocking on doors is a good way to get yourself deported…or shot if you’re in the south.

Note to sexy foreigners (women only): If you’re looking for a place to stay, my attic is full of junk, but my bedroom is wide open.

 

 

 

My Advice: Don’t watch Inception stoned

I recently saw Christopher Nolan’s new movie Inception, which was excellent.  However, I made the mistake of watching the movie with people who had been smoking copious amounts of marijuana.

For those of you who might be wondering, I’m not a smoker (I prefer booze, particularly beer), but I don’t mind being around people who are smokers as they can be quite entertaining.  Now,  if there is a downside to being around people who are high, it’s that their attention span is on the order of…oh…five to ten seconds.  This is fine if you’re at a party or doing nothing on a Saturday night, but when you are attempting to follow the plot of an incredibly complicated movie, it becomes frustrating.

Imagine trying to explain to people who can’t think straight that the characters in the movie are in a dream, within a dream, within a dream attempting to plant an idea into someone’s head (a process called “Inception”).  If you can’t imagine doing such a thing you’re lucky, just trust me when I tell you that it’s FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE!

And of course one of them will eventually come out with “what if we’re in a dream right now?” and start a long stoner philosophical debate right in the middle of the movie.

So if you’re hanging around with people who are high and one of them says “lets watch a movie” stick to something that is pot-appropriate.  Cartoons, Cheech & Chong or anything starring Will Ferrel will suffice.  Leave the incredibly complex sci-fi masterpiece for a day when everyone is thinking clearly.

Or watch it alone.